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SAMPLE
ESSAY 1: Carnegie-Mellon, current affairs: Middle East debate
A Greek philosopher once said, “In
argument, truth is born.” Even though sometimes feelings and emotions come into play
that confuse the issue at hand, usually an argument results in a new insight on the
subject. Even if a person holds strong views that are unshaken by anything his adversary
may say, he may nevertheless gain from the debate. It forces him to organize and analyze
his views, leaving him with a clearer understanding of the subject than before. Further,
his opponent’s arguments help him better appreciate his views and their differences.
Finally, the argument forces both to look inwards, at their character and value system.
For these reasons, I enjoy debating issues
that are important to me and about which I hold strong views. One such issue receiving
great national attention is the Middle East peace process. While the peace process has
always been important to the American community as a whole, and more specifically to the
Jewish American community, the assassination of Israel Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin has
focused the spotlight upon it, as well as intensified the debate around it. Since I attend
a private Jewish school, I often discuss this topic with my peers, often finding myself in
the minority. Most of them support the peace process, while I adhere to the views of the
Likud (opposition) party, which opposes the peace process.
Complicating the issue are several emotional
stigmas that are often attached to it, transforming the discussion from an objective one
to one driven by passion. The foremost of these stigmas is the accusation, which is often
hurled at the opponents of the peace process, of promoting war and violence. Often made by
people who know little about the issue, this view fails to realize that opposition to the
peace process does not imply opposition of peace. Rather, it implies disapproval of
certain tactics and specifics of the peace process as it was carried out by Rabin.
Another commonly advanced accusation against
American Jews who disagree with the peace process centers around the question of whether
they have the right to influence Israeli policy. “You don’t have to send your
children to the Army,” it is said, “your children don’t die in wars. What
right have you to oppose peace?!” The fallacy of this argument is that it
doesn’t differentiate between belief and action. While it is true, for precisely the
reasons above, that American Jews have no right to try to influence Israeli policy, that
does not preclude them from having ideas of what that policy should be.
Finally, the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin
has introduced yet another dimension into this debate. In its aftermath, opposing the
peace process sometimes is identified with condoning the assassination itself. Such an
identification of the man and his beliefs involves grave dangers, such as rashly
implementing his ideas in a flurry of compassion and commiseration.
What all of these stigmas have in common is
that they forsake logical and objective debate, opting rather for emotions,
generalizations and accusations. And the dangers of that happening are the main lesson I
learned from my debates. While those debates have shed new light on the issue and have
forced me to reconsider what I think is moral and just, most importantly they have
demonstrated the necessity of objectiveness and removal of emotions from the discussion,
especially when, as in the case of the peace process, thousands of lives are at stake.
When passions and hatred take over, we must stop and think of what it all is really about.
COMMENTS:
The social concerns or ethics essay is
notoriously difficult to write. This essayist tackles it well with solid arguments, clear
thinking, and good structure. The main suggestion for improvement came from one officer
who felt that the statements made in the first paragraph were too broad and lofty for a
college essay.
Very clear headed.
This student put time and energy into this
essay and it shows in the writing style, the flow of discourse and the conclusions that
the writer comes to in the end. It is a well thought out essay with depth and focus.
This essay is well written, and brings out an
interesting point of view, one of which I had not been aware until now. This author grasps
the subtleties of a difficult political position. I think he would be an interesting
person to know, and would certainly make people think, both in class and in discussions
outside of academics.
The argument in the essay is logical and
substantiated with solid examples, making it an effective representation of the
student’s thought and writing style while revealing the student’s personal
opinions on the Middle East peace process.
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SAMPLE
ESSAY 2: Harvard, current affairs/family illness: Medicine
The Key to Medical Advancement
Throughout the twentieth century,
virtually every aspect of modern medicine has reaped the rewards of technological
advancements. Society will be forever indebted to those pioneers who conceived the vast
array of preventions, treatments, and cures that are readily available to mankind today.
Apparently, the imaginations of these pioneers know no boundaries, for every day we are
informed of progress in yet another domain of study.
Until recently, relatively little ethical
consideration needed to accompany our quest for improvement. Indeed, few can find moral
fault with important discoveries such as a polio vaccine and insulin. However, medicine is
now venturing into areas, such as genetics, which explore the very core of human
existence. Consequently, I believe that if medical advancements in these fields are going
to continue to benefit society, we need to consider all possible ethical effects before
implementing new discoveries. We must ensure that the potential for abuse will not
override the capacity for gain.
One of the biggest breakthroughs in genetics
has been the use of bacteria to genetically engineer drugs such as insulin and growth
hormone. Five years ago, a brain tumor destroyed my brother’s pituitary gland. He now
takes genetically engineered growth hormone on a daily basis to replace that which he no
longer naturally produces. This technology has helped give back to him a portion of what
he lost to the tumor. An effort is currently underway to make growth hormone more readily
available to the general public for treatment of ailments such as osteoporosis, severe
burns, and infertility. Many people could benefit from growth hormone, but there is also a
high probability that it will be abused for athletic purposes. Football great Lyle Alzado
appeared on national television appealing to the public to refrain from misusing the
growth hormone which he felt was responsible for his brain cancer. Therefore I feel we
need to limit how available we make the drug in order to ensure that it does more good
than harm.
Research in genetics is also helping us to
locate genes which are linked to diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis, Sickle Cell Anemia, and
Huntington’s disease. The knowledge of these genes may lead to better treatments and
maybe even a cure one day. As well, genetics is now being used in amniocentesis tests to
determine, for abortion purposes, if an embryo has an abnormality such as the medical
condition known as Down’s Syndrome.
Giving people the opportunity to abort an
unplanned child is an issue all by itself. Giving people the opportunity to abort a
planned pregnancy because the child isn’t what they wanted is absolutely ludicrous. I
am a support worker for a child who has Down’s Syndrome. He’s every bit as much
a human being as you and I, and therefore is entitled to all the privileges that accompany
the status. Every day he makes me smile and reminds me of how lucky I am simply to be
alive. He is the epitome of the innocence which is all too often absent from our
fast-paced lives.
What happens when our knowledge expands, as
it inevitably will, and an amniocentesis can test for hair and eye color? Will we abort a
pregnancy because the child won’t develop blond hair and blue eyes? After all, the
argument could be made that a poor physical appearance may cause hardship in life. More
importantly, if the technology becomes available, will we custom design children to our
specifications by manipulating their genes? Whatever happened to playing the cards
we’re dealt? If we’re not careful we might create another Frankenstein.
Implementing these, and other technologies
raises some critical ethical issues. A world war took place over 50 years ago because
numerous countries intensely disagreed with Adolf Hitler on some of these same issues.
Hitler wanted to create a supreme race and eliminate disabled people such as those having
Down’s Syndrome. Do we agree with basic principles behind Hitler’s intentions
and merely disagree with the method he employed? Hitler was one of the most despised men
of modern history. Don’t look now, but it appears as though we’re simply taking
a different, more accepted route to the same destination.
Technology seems to be growing at an
exponential rate. Every door we open leads to more doors which conceal secrets. The
majority of the population can only imagine the excitement of opening one of these doors
for the first time ever. The pursuit of this excitement has understandably overwhelmed us.
We’ve been blindly unlocking doors as fast as possible with little concern for what
might lie beyond the door. However, if mankind is going to continue to prosper we need to
start peering through the keyhole to see what lies beyond the door. Then, and only then,
can we catch a glimpse of the pros and cons of opening it.
Until now, the main difficulty in unlocking a
door has been finding the right key. Perhaps the true challenge actually lies in deciding
which doors should be opened and which doors are better left untouched. The principle
consideration in making this decision needs to be the ethics of its potential
applications.
COMMENTS:
This applicant took a risky approach by
tackling a tough subject-one that would be hard for most college graduates (let alone a
high school senior) to write about succinctly. However, the writer made a good effort. As
one officer commented, “The author obviously thinks deeply about these important
issues, and an admission officer would recognize that this student would probably think
deeply about other issues raised in classes.” Tackling these big issues brings two
inherent risks. First, the subject matter begs a serious approach, and the writer risks
coming across as stiff and impersonal. Second, the writer risks getting in over his or her
head and can end up making general claims without the experience or ability to back them
up.
This student holds incredibly passionate
beliefs about the ethics of medical research. But ethics is a slippery topic, far too
subjective for the amount of generalizations he has made. The “we need tos” and
“we musts” make his assertions a little too final.
The language is a bit stiff and awkward, and
the essay tends to ramble.
“Five years ago, a brain tumor destroyed
my brother’s pituitary gland.” This would be a great opening sentence! So why is
it buried? Personal experience is always a useful tool for introducing one’s own
beliefs, much more so than unsupported blanket statements. Had the student begun here, he
would have written a stronger essay without having to compromise his position one bit.
In paragraph seven: Be careful! The Holocaust
is a loaded example. There was a lot more to it than just eradicating disabilities. Make
sure you understand the implications of the parallels you draw.
It is dangerous for a nonprofessional
(especially a high school student) to attempt writing as though the essay will be
presented at a professional conference. You may be writing to someone who knows much more
than you and will be irritated by your hackneyed proclamations. I give my students this
advice: “Write small.” Keep the topic close to your own life and write only
about something you know.
I admire the student for voicing his beliefs,
but I’d admire him even more if he had played devil’s advocate a bit. One of my
former professors always admonished, “Seek the truth in what you oppose and the error
in what you espouse.” What are the weaknesses in his arguments? Is a technical
advancement without extensive debate on the potential ethical pitfalls ever appropriate?
Addressing such questions would go a long way in communicating to the admissions committee
that the author is an open minded (if steadfast) person.
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