For some reason, my parents
felt the necessity to inundate me at a young age with extracurricular activities. After
school, I was always being driven from tennis to violin to swimming to cello to baseball
to piano to karate to near craziness! I could have been called the world’s busiest
kid at the time. From two of the activities, I have reaped the most benefits. Although my
cello has been used less frequently than my tennis racquet, the musical instrument creates
the most meaningful ideas in my life.
However, my appreciation for playing the
cello did not come immediately. From the time I was nine years old until I left for prep
school, I detested Sunday. The first day of the week was torturous “cello day”:
I practiced all morning, had a lesson during the afternoon, and came home in the evening
exhausted. But today, I thank austere old Professor [teacher’s name] for forcing me
to learn the art in music.
With the hectic schedule I have year round,
being overwhelmed is not a difficult task. Therefore, I consider playing the cello one of
the most rewarding aspects of my life. Very few people have the luxury of being able to
absolutely enjoying themselves in the middle of a workday. I can bomb a physics test, and
then five minutes later be in heaven. Totally relaxed, I sway back and forth to the rhythm
created by my bow and my fingers; both of my arms work in harmony. Eyes closed, I reach
the final note and my left hand creates a slow, soothing vibrato-mediocre cello playing at
its perfection.
The cello reigns as the supreme instrument in
my mind. Whether blusteringly chaotic or lovingly sweet, good cello playing, with its
deep, rich tones and fantastically broad range is the epitome of expression. I also have
ample opportunity for the other half of art-interpretation. I feel a delight beyond
description when listening to Pablo Casals or Yo-Yo Ma. I am able to just sit there and
think about my life, and their masterful music can make me feel ebullience or rage. Most
importantly, whether I listen to music or play it, I can reflect upon and enjoy life as
one special being.
I wish the venerable Professor
[teacher’s name] could be alive today to hear me play the cello. “With
feeling,” he would always say. Whenever I played a note out of tune, Mr.
[teacher’s name] would yell at me until I cried. But now, with my newfound love for
the cello, even if he screamed in my ear, I would continue to relish my playing and let
him go until he became hoarse.
COMMENTS:
This essayist does a clever job of combining
his focus on the cello with gentle reminders that he is involved in much more as well. He
does this by beginning with brief mention of “tennis . . . violin . . . swimming . .
. cello . . . baseball . . . piano . . . karate . . ..” in the second sentence. Then
he quickly hones in on the cello alone, making only one additional indirect mention of the
“hectic schedule I have year round.” He wisely does not go into more detail
about the other activities. This single reference is enough, since the admissions officers
can easily refer to the rest of the application for more detail on his other involvements.
This writer also does a good job of showing his love for the cello by painting a picture
of himself playing: “totally relaxed, I sway back and forth to the rhythm created by
my bow and my fingers; both of my arms work in harmony. Eyes closed, I reach the final
note and my left hand creates a slow, soothing vibrato…” This image is likely to
be the one that sticks in admissions officers minds, making him more memorable.
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Example Essay Structures
