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Lesson Three: Example Sample
Essay
Note:
The below essays were not edited by EssayEdge Editors. They appear as they were initially
reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE ESSAY 1:
Carnegie-Mellon, current affairs: Middle East debate
A Greek philosopher once said, In
argument, truth is born. Even though sometimes feelings and emotions come into play
that confuse the issue at hand, usually an argument results in a new insight on the
subject. Even if a person holds strong views that are unshaken by anything his adversary
may say, he may nevertheless gain from the debate. It forces him to organize and analyze
his views, leaving him with a clearer understanding of the subject than before. Further,
his opponents arguments help him better appreciate his views and their differences.
Finally, the argument forces both to look inwards, at their character and value system.
For these reasons, I enjoy debating issues
that are important to me and about which I hold strong views. One such issue receiving
great national attention is the Middle East peace process. While the peace process has
always been important to the American community as a whole, and more specifically to the
Jewish American community, the assassination of Israel Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin has
focused the spotlight upon it, as well as intensified the debate around it. Since I attend
a private Jewish school, I often discuss this topic with my peers, often finding myself in
the minority. Most of them support the peace process, while I adhere to the views of the
Likud (opposition) party, which opposes the peace process.
Complicating the issue are several emotional
stigmas that are often attached to it, transforming the discussion from an objective one
to one driven by passion. The foremost of these stigmas is the accusation, which is often
hurled at the opponents of the peace process, of promoting war and violence. Often made by
people who know little about the issue, this view fails to realize that opposition to the
peace process does not imply opposition of peace. Rather, it implies disapproval of
certain tactics and specifics of the peace process as it was carried out by Rabin.
Another commonly advanced accusation against
American Jews who disagree with the peace process centers around the question of whether
they have the right to influence Israeli policy. You dont have to send your
children to the Army, it is said, your children dont die in wars. What
right have you to oppose peace?! The fallacy of this argument is that it
doesnt differentiate between belief and action. While it is true, for precisely the
reasons above, that American Jews have no right to try to influence Israeli policy, that
does not preclude them from having ideas of what that policy should be.
Finally, the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin
has introduced yet another dimension into this debate. In its aftermath, opposing the
peace process sometimes is identified with condoning the assassination itself. Such an
identification of the man and his beliefs involves grave dangers, such as rashly
implementing his ideas in a flurry of compassion and commiseration.
What all of these stigmas have in common is
that they forsake logical and objective debate, opting rather for emotions,
generalizations and accusations. And the dangers of that happening are the main lesson I
learned from my debates. While those debates have shed new light on the issue and have
forced me to reconsider what I think is moral and just, most importantly they have
demonstrated the necessity of objectiveness and removal of emotions from the discussion,
especially when, as in the case of the peace process, thousands of lives are at stake.
When passions and hatred take over, we must stop and think of what it all is really about.
COMMENTS:
The social concerns or ethics essay is
notoriously difficult to write. This essayist tackles it well with solid arguments, clear
thinking, and good structure. The main suggestion for improvement came from one officer
who felt that the statements made in the first paragraph were too broad and lofty for a
college essay.
Very clear headed.
This student put time and energy into this
essay and it shows in the writing style, the flow of discourse and the conclusions that
the writer comes to in the end. It is a well thought out essay with depth and focus.
This essay is well written, and brings out an
interesting point of view, one of which I had not been aware until now. This author grasps
the subtleties of a difficult political position. I think he would be an interesting
person to know, and would certainly make people think, both in class and in discussions
outside of academics.
The argument in the essay is logical and
substantiated with solid examples, making it an effective representation of the
students thought and writing style while revealing the students personal
opinions on the Middle East peace process.
Back to
Example Essay Structures
From ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE, by Amy Burnham, Daniel Kaufman, and
Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman. Reprinted by arrangement with Barron's Educational
Series, Inc.
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