Below you will find a sample
outline and the essay written from that outline.
OUTLINE
Paragraph 1 (Introduction)
I. Leading sentence: It took me eighteen years to realize what an
extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life.
II. Summary of main points: I not only came to love the excitement of
learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the
idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and
spirit.
Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: My mothers enthusiasm for learning is
most apparent in travel.
II. Supporting point: Her mothers enthusiasm for learning.
III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using the example of a trip to Greece.
Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: While I treasure the various worlds my mother
has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me
just two miles from my house.
II. Supporting point: Her mothers dedication to the community.
III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such as helping at the local
soup kitchen.
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)
I. Transition sentence: Everything that my mother has ever done has
been overshadowed by the thought behind it.
II. Reiteration of main points: She has enriched my life with her passion
for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity.
III. Taking it one step further: Next year, I will find a new home miles
away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
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COMPLETED ESSAY
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was
initially reviewed by admissions officers.
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has
been on my life. Shes the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which
artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother
who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat
on the board of every major project to assist Washingtons impoverished citizens.
Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only
came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but
I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new
sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mothers enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years
old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older
brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on
the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we
managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in
an empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite
sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the
battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value
what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well
as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been
equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year
old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and
childrens center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by
chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected
the floating paintbrush trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the
five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally
strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to
continue my work at (name deleted) as Janes tutor. Although the position is often
difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first
walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to
others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it.
While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have
learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her
passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of
everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly
exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always
be by my side.
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